Friday, 13 April 2018

PSA: Blue and the Bouncy Ball

People often ask why I seem so dependent on the feedback and reassurance of others constantly. I’ve been giving it some thought, and I think I’ve finally found the perfect analogy.

Because of ongoing anxiety issues and low self-esteem, I’m essentially like one of those little bouncy balls you get in the pocket money section at the toy shop. When I’m in a good mood and feeling especially valued and creative, I can be VERY bouncy indeed – full of energy, and ready and willing to channel it into my various projects.

But the ball can’t bounce forever. It loses momentum. It slows down, and eventually it stops. I’m the same. I worry about stuff I have published – whether or not it’s any good, if people like it. I get tired. I wear myself out.

Now here’s the kicker. The ball can’t bounce again on its own. It needs someone’s actions – an outside force – to get it going. Similarly, this is what the feedback and reassurance of others does for me. It powers me back up. It helps me get motivated. My energy levels rise. Without it, I’m just stuck there… motionless, powerless, lacking the will to do anything. I mean, why make the effort if it isn’t appreciated?

And thus, the cycle goes on.

Now, I’m not saying for one moment that this is a healthy way to exist. It’s not. I KNOW it’s not, and I’m working on ways to try and keep myself upbeat without the influence and input of others. But for now – every so often – I may need a bit of help to get my bounce back. 

That said, from the bottom of my heart, I thank my regular readers for their ongoing support. It truly is treasured.

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